What are your deepest fears ? Could you identify them if you were asked ? Do you know that even if we don’t realise it our subconscious fears are what truly prevent us from receiving the love success joy and happiness that we desire.
Studies in psychology and spirituality have been able to demonstrate that among all of humanity there are 3 fundamental and universal fears that we all have to a greater or lesser extent. These fears determine the quality of our life in large measure and can prevent us from living the life of our dreams unless we are prepared to face them with courage.
Universal Fear No 1: Fear of Abandonment
The fear of abandonment can often be the one causing us to stay in relationships and jobs that really don’t serve us. A subconscious fear of abandonment can also lead us to tolerate poor treatment form a partner or an employer because somewhere in our deep seated consciousness the fear of being alone is greater than our fear of maltreatment.
So how do we face this fear ? I believe there are several ways we can move on from the universal fear of abandonment. The first way is to realise that we are in fact never alone. When we have faith in something greater than ourselves e.g. God - the Universe - Higher consciousness etc whatever term we recognise as having meaning for us – then we can release ourselves from the often crippling fear of abandonment.
Universal Fear No 2: Fear of Not Being Worthy
The presence of low self-worth or the fear of not being good enough is I would estimate the primary fear that blocks our long term success and prevents us from having what it is we say we want. How often have you set a goal or a vision for yourself only to end up self-sabotaging on some level and de-railing your happiness? The number one reason is that we don’t believe we deserve it. Although we may wish for greater things the doubt comes from deep within and is related to our feelings of low self-worth. We may begin to ask “ do I really deserve this much joy” or “I don’t really deserve such a great partner or career or this much money etc.”. So as we listen to that fear and we question our deservedness the Universe mirrors back to us to confirm our deepest fear.
Imagine for a moment how your life may have panned out so far or what you might be a capable of achieving if you truly deeply believed that you deserve life’s greatest joys ? To take that leap we all need to love ourselves deeply and completely and affirm it every day. Not from a place of ego but from a place of deep compassion and forgiveness. As we extend these emotions to ourselves and to others we can quite literally rewrite our fear programmes.
Universal Fear No 3: I am afraid to trust or surrender
Of all our underlying fears our ability to place our trust in another remains one of our greatest hurdles to true fulfillment and happiness. Indeed if you have ever had a broken heart you will know how tough it can be to open your heart and love again. But as all the great wisdom teachers have shown us - that by keeping our hearts open we can truly begin to allow ourselves the opportunity to know the real meaning of love. When we allow our fears to contract us and keep us small is when we begin to move away from what we really want to have in our life.
It takes a big heart and a deep level of self-trust to trust others. The truth is that when we have true trust and faith in ourselves and a higher power we can never be harmed. It is only lack of forgiveness that prevents us from trusting again. When someone proves unworthy of our trust e.g. lies to us or cheats us we can learn once again how to forgive and grow and understand the importance of self trust even more deeply.
Our sense of safety in the world must ultimately come from the security we feel within ourselves. Cultivate it. No one can take it away from you.
The 3 most universal fears remind us very profoundly of what we each need to master in order to have the lives we want and manifest our dreams. Face them - love them and never let them be the place from which you make your life choices – choose to come from love instead. After all it has much more power.
Jennifer Evans-Allen is a mentor, coach, writer and motivational speaker on matters of spirituality and successful living. She works with women around the world in helping them lead lives of deep authenticity and contribution