Do you ever find yourself feeling irritated for no reason ? Somebody asks you for something and you snap back in your less than loving and patient voice. Most of us with a little self awareness instantly regret the shortness of our reply and the way it landed on the other person. In fact if we could hit the rewind button on the number of times we have "snapped" at others we probably would. Unfortunately life isn't a video tape we get to play our regrets and self recriminations over and over in the tape player of our mind.
As we ruminate over how we could have "done better -been kinder -been braver -been smarter "etc etc we are doing little more than feeding our ego's idea that "we aren't good enough" on some level.
Well it really is time to "let yourself off the hook" and start practicing a little self compassion. Nobody in the universe learns how to improve by getting more criticism. Praise and compassion are the keys to self love that is sustainable and transforming.
As a mother of four growing boys I have learnt how important it is to give your kids plenty of encouragement and positive reinforcement especially if you are wanting a positive behavioural change. I have learnt that if I focus on what they are not doing right it usually just reinforces that behaviour and even worse weakens the relationship between us.
So if what we focus on enlarges in our life it truly is time to start focusing on your efforts to do better. We are all a work in progress and we are just like kids in the story of life - learning and growing - making mistakes and doing our best. When you make a mistake ask for forgiveness - forgive yourself and just try to learn and do better next time.
When kids are learning to walk they fall over lots of times before they become steady on their feet as parents we don't tick them off when they fall over generally we say something like "great come on keep going" etc etc. Our positive words of encouragement are a powerful force in their determination to get up again and again until they take their first unaided steps. Life is just the same. We are all learning new skills everyday - how to be kinder - how to be more loving - how to be wiser - how to let go of stress - how to believe in ourselves etc etc so if we want to master these skills we have to dish out lots of encouragement patience and compassion to OURSELVES. In the business of life mentoring and coaching I have the privileged role of helping my clients develop rock solid self belief. The truth is that in the game of life its the one strategy that underpins every success and happy fulfilling moment. When we learn to love and forgive ourselves we transform the world around us because we can finally radiate that out to those we love and BINGO change the world.
If you want to learn more about developing true self belief and self love join me for Soul Mapping on August 16. Go to Soul Mapping on this website for more info. Until then try this mantra anytime you feel a little less kind hearted toward yourself " Everyday in every way I am getting better and better"
love and blessings
Jennifer Evans-Allen is a mentor, coach, writer and motivational speaker on matters of spirituality and successful living. She works with women around the world in helping them lead lives of deep authenticity and contribution